“Mommy, why is your tummy so squishy?” she said, as we snuggled in bed this morning while daddy took Pj to the kitchen. “Why is my tummy so flat and hard, and yours is so soft?” she asked, innocently.
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Yooooo, that feeling when you realize your body is exactly what you wished it wouldn’t be years ago. //content warning\\ (language relating to body dys, eating disorders, orthorexia)
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I’ve always been in a rush since my early 20’s. Being productive has always been something I thrive off of. For years I’ve had people tell me I “deserve” self care, which has always been extremely hard for me to even know what that means. In my mind, when I would hear that, I’d go “nah, I’m good. Why would I waste three hours on me? That’s not productive!” Doing therapy with an intuitive eating specialist along with regular therapy has gotten me here. This week it clicked.
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PSA: just because you decide you want to follow a diet, doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. It doesn’t mean I won’t be your friend. And it doesn’t mean you should feel ashamed.
Hear me out:
Spread the word. 🙌🏼
Anti-diet does not mean “eat all the things.”
Anti-diet does not mean “quit exercising.”
It’s NORMAL for all of us to have the desire to lose weight.
✨ I have an inbox with several messages right now questioning diet culture. 👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼 it’s so easy to get caught up and confused in the anti-diet movement and until you’ve REALLY navigated through the layers of your own self it can be super confusing. It still is for me sometimes.
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#NewYear_SameYou // when I look at this photo, I see those arms and I remember the days where I’d obsessively measure them. I can remember sitting at red lights in my car, feeling the circumference of my biceps and promising myself that I’d do arm weights as soon as I got home.
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{CW/TW: diet & disordered eating} I just did something I could have never imagined I’d have to force myself to do.
I just went to the grocery store and made myself buy food that is easy to make, and food that I know I will eat. Food that I’ve avoided for so many years now that I felt like I was committing a crime as I paid the cashier.
I’m tired. Tired of not feeling good enough because my body looks so vastly different from so many other bodies I see.
Tired of letting my body size depict my worth and value.
A few months ago, Weight Watchers announced their children’s diet app and it ignited a fire within this entire community. I asked you all for your diet culture stories, and this is part two. My hope is that by sharing these, we will continue to fight the weight stigma that has affected all of us medically, emotionally, physically and mentally. To read a little more about my story and the first round of anonymous stories, click here.
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Mental health update: I’m sharing this publicly because it’s important that we
break the mental health stigma.
After a month long bout of deep depression, having no desire to eat, and other things... I am honestly feeling amazing this week.
👉🏼FAT👈🏼 this is a word I have struggled with my whole life, ever since that dumb boy made fun of my “fat legs” in 2nd grade.
When the word FAT started being talked about more in the body positive community I had a really, REALLY hard time with it. I’ve been working on it. But this one word has probably been the hardest thing for me to be accepting of.
I’m not always super confident in this swimsuit but I wear it. I wear it because I deserve to rock a two piece just like anyone else. I wear it because I’m no longer trying to hide anything and I love my scars. And I wear it because it’s important to me that we NORMALIZE ALL BODY TYPES.
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LEGS. I’ve always been self-conscious of them but truthfully they were always “better off” to me than the rest of my body. I’ve had cellulite and stretch marks since 7th grade, and I can remember dreaming of having some sort of surgery to remove them. I would buy all the creams to try to erase the marks and dimples. Even at my most physically fit, I wasn’t happy with them. I am naturally “knock kneed” when I stand and always attributed that to being unattractive and due to my weight. See the 2nd pic - I used to see photos like that of me and cringe.
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10 more weeks of people asking me if I’m having twins 🤦🏼♀️
.
This has happened to me several times, and again today. I really try not to let these things bother me, and today I didn’t get mad, or upset, but as soon as I got in the car I realized I felt completely deflated. Like something is wrong with me and I’m not doing something right.