trigger warning: eating disorders/body dysmorphia/excessive exercise 👉🏼 Several times in my life I have embarked on a “lifestyle change” with the hopes of finally feeling worthy. Each of those times, I’d get more and more addicted to the control I had, so where exercise should have been done for joy, and eating done for nutrition and enjoyment... instead everything was done from a place of hate, disgust, and punishment.
There were times I would exercise 3 hours a day. I’d only eat protein shakes for most of my meals and I’d log EVERYTHING. I’d weigh morning and night, measure every body part daily and keep the measurements at my bedside in a notebook.
{CW/TW: diet & disordered eating} I just did something I could have never imagined I’d have to force myself to do.
I just went to the grocery store and made myself buy food that is easy to make, and food that I know I will eat. Food that I’ve avoided for so many years now that I felt like I was committing a crime as I paid the cashier.
A few months ago, Weight Watchers announced their children’s diet app and it ignited a fire within this entire community. I asked you all for your diet culture stories, and this is part two. My hope is that by sharing these, we will continue to fight the weight stigma that has affected all of us medically, emotionally, physically and mentally. To read a little more about my story and the first round of anonymous stories, click here.
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LEGS. I’ve always been self-conscious of them but truthfully they were always “better off” to me than the rest of my body. I’ve had cellulite and stretch marks since 7th grade, and I can remember dreaming of having some sort of surgery to remove them. I would buy all the creams to try to erase the marks and dimples. Even at my most physically fit, I wasn’t happy with them. I am naturally “knock kneed” when I stand and always attributed that to being unattractive and due to my weight. See the 2nd pic - I used to see photos like that of me and cringe.
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