HOW I'M (trying) TO RAISE CONFIDENT DAUGHTERS
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If you’re new around here, you may not know that I have a 3 year old daughter and a 5 month old daughter. And sometimes the fact that I have these daughters frightens me.
Not the “omg what if she dates a terrible guy in high school” kind of fear. More like “omg what if I mess it up?! What if I raise her to accidentally not be confident and strong?! Am I making her depend on me too much?!” etc, etc, etc.
Ok, ok, ok, ok I KNOW that sounds silly. But if you’re a parent, you also know how easily we can worry about things like this.
So, here’s the thing. I really don’t know a simple answer or solution to this. But I think that acknowledging the importance of raising confident humans is a huge first step.
Here’s what else I know:
Kids are like sponges. If they hear me criticize myself, they absorb that. So my number one rule that I don’t always succeed at following is to NEVER look in the mirror and talk negative about my appearance. This is hard, old habits die I hard, I know I know. But this one is super important. It’s super important that we don’t teach our girls that doing this is okay. It’s NOT okay. The biggest one I do without realizing is the “OH wow I look rough today!” mirror comment. Come on… I know you do it too.
Recently, Emaline told me she didn’t feel pretty enough. This floored me and I didn’t know how to react right away. Later I asked her why, and she said it was because she had no makeup on. I told her that it’s not what’s on the outside that makes us pretty. It’s about what is on the inside and what’s in her heart that makes her pretty. I’m trying to react this way RATHER than show her any sort of pity, which I think is what we automatically tend to do. “Aww honey, yes you are!” - That sort of response makes them think that it’s okay to be down on yourself because of your looks. Which, newsflash, it’s not.
Setting a good example is the best way to teach. Growing up, I watched my mom work hard as a single mom and succeed greatly. I have always had this hustle mentality (aka, potential workaholic - I have to keep myself in check) and I think a lot of it came from her. I struggled a lot with self esteem and confidence growing up, but looking back on it all now… I always knew I could and would make something of myself. I just didn’t know how to get there and I also had a major fear of rejection (still have it, that’s a story for another day) that held me back a LOT.
Positive affirmations, especially with creativity are important to me. Emmie is extremely creative and imaginative, and I know I’m biased ;) but I truly think she could change the world. I want her to feel this and believe this within her very being. So when she shows me the pictures she drew for each of her family members, or sings me a new song she wrote using her own made-up language (like a song about a robot, see the pics below)… I want her to feel proud. She wants to pick out her own clothes and wear two different shoes? Great! (Ok, within reason) ;) I want her to always be proud of her work and her ideas, and not too scared to put them on display.
So here’s what I want to know. Here’s what I’m throwing out there in to the universe. How do we raise strong, confident, KIND daughters? How do we raise them to not be fearful of rejection?
Right now I think we, as women, have a major responsibility within society. We’ve GOT to stop talking about diets and what’s wrong with our bodies. We’ve GOT to stop wishing for better lives. We’ve GOT to stop talking crap about other women because we are jealous. All of this behavior has to stop.
Imagine a world where all of us just loved ourselves the way we are. God, just thinking about that gives me such a rush of peace. I truly think that if we all try a little harder to lift ourselves and other women up, rather than tear them & ourselves down… with time, it will work. That is my prayer.
ABOUT OUR LOOKS:
Can you believe everything we are wearing is from Walmart? Their selection is legit, you guys. They carry all sorts of brands online now for great prices, like my dress for example. It’s made by a well known plus size brand and it also comes in several colors/patterns. #WalmartFashion for the WIN!
Sizing: I’m wearing the 1X and could go down one size.
Scroll thru the links below to shop or go straight to the curated selection at Walmart here.