When I was younger, I really struggled with what I wanted to be when I grew up. As a young child, I wanted to be a teacher. I had an entire classroom filled with kid chairs, stuffed animal "students" and my chalkboard. I would teach my students daily and I absolutely loved to use my imagination.

I got a little older and we moved to a bigger house and teaching situation got upgraded. I got an actual dry erase board (thanks to my stepdad who took me to Home Depot and bought it for me) and I started typing out lesson plans on the computer. I would hand out worksheets to my imaginary students, including my little brother who wasn't imaginary (lol). I would grade papers for hours. Sometimes my students would get notes sent home for bad behavior!

Fast forward to... high school. I REALLY didn't know what direction to take in my life. Did I really want to be a teacher? No. I was terrible at academics (except for the ones I was truly interested in) and the idea of going to school for more school and to be consumed by school for the rest of my life made me want to abandon that plan completely!

So, I started diving into more creative things. I did theater and acting and loved it. Although, I didn't stick with it for more than a couple of years. Then, randomly, I started putting on concerts for my friends bands at local venues and fell in love with that. Before I knew it, I was a 16 year old concert promoter and did shows for bands like Underoath, As I Lay Dying, Haste the Day, etc etc. Still can't believe I pulled that off at that age, but I was young and fearless at that point in my life I guess!

 After a year of doing that, I got tired of it and stopped, thinking that maybe I should focus on high school a little bit more. I got antsy again in my senior year and decided to try my hand at modeling. I was the youngest plus size model to be signed to a big agency in Atlanta. But what I didn't realize was that I would need to be constantly available, and because of school and my after school job, I wasn't. So I had to step away from that as well. 

So there I was, a senior in high school, and I had no idea what path to go down. My parents insisted that I try college, so I did. But I had no sense of direction. I switched majors 3 times my freshman year, and struggled a lot to stay motivated.

After a year of college, I was 19 and completely lost.

I dropped out.

I got the idea to move to a city where I had never been before and I just felt like I needed to get away and hopefully find myself. I found a nanny job in Philadelphia that would cover the cost of living and then some, and I made the plunge. My parents were really concerned and absolutely did not want me to go. That year I spent in Philadelphia was life changing. I made special, life long friends that even drove down to Georgia to come to my wedding. I explored the city every day and loved every minute of it.

I got inspired to live, dream, and be successful. 

I moved back home after a year, because I started to miss my family. I had new aspirations that I wanted to act on. So thats what I set out to do: I moved back home and enrolled in community college. I wanted to major in Journalism. Only this time, I found it really hard again to focus on school. I still had some core classes to complete, and it was so incredibly hard because I frankly just didn't want to be there. I had a rough semester full of highs and lows. My GPA dropped to a 1.7 and I was back to square one. The following semester, I went through a series of things that led me to what I felt was hitting rock bottom.

And one day... it clicked. I needed help. I went to a psychiatrist who found me the right medication to help me focus. Three semesters later, I had a 3.9 GPA and was graduating. I transferred into the college of my dreams that I never thought would be possible: The University of Georgia. Still not sure how I got in, but I'll just give that one to the man upstairs.

There, I got into the Journalism school and followed my dreams. I studied Telecommunication Arts (basically film & tv production) where I had a blast making short films and writing scripts. I had finally found my place, it just took me awhile to get there. I also met the love of my life my senior year of college, and we are now married with a baby girl!

I have struggled with ADD my whole life, but no one noticed because I was a daydreamer, not a hyperactive kid. Once I proved to myself I could succeed and taught myself how to focus, I weaned myself off of the medication with the help of my doctor. I'm not saying that medication is the answer for you. But learning how to focus and succeed is key. I still struggle with this in my every day life. I married someone who is the opposite of me, and who has an incredible amount of patience with me daily. Sometimes I'm tempted to go back on the medication because getting everything done without distraction is so frustrating at times. But because I personally feel that it isn't healthy for my body, it's a fight I've chosen to fight daily. 

If you're feeling lost, confused or frustrated... know you're not alone. Take a step back from everything that everyone else wants you to do. Pray, meditate, or just focus on your dreams. If you don't have any dreams, open up yourself to the world. Travel. Find yourself. Be smart. Better yourself. Think of the person you want to be when you're in your 50s. What will you have accomplished by then? I promise you, you won't regret it. 

This article was originally featured on A Life In The Fashion Lane, read it here.


This velvet kimono is a size 1X and from SOUTHERN LOCAL, my favorite local boutique that carries curvy sizes. Check them out here! Find the rest of what I'm wearing below...